Comedy of Ayers

If I ever take the time to write down my life story, that will be the title, "A Comedy of Ayers." Why? Well, things just seem to happen in my life. I don't want to laugh at them at the time, but later all I can think is "really? really? could that happen to anyone but me?"
Let's start with last week's running debacle. I decide that in all this triathlon fun I'll try to run with the running club that leaves from the running store at Columbus Circle and runs through the park twice a week. One of those times is on Monday night. Let's take into account that last Sunday was the NY City Marathon. Many people from that running club happened to participate in the marathon. Let me tell you, that if I ever run 26.whatever miles, I will not be running the next day, nor the next week. In fact, if I ever run that far I'm certain that it will be because the world has gone all 2012 on me and I'm staying just ahead of the cracks in the earth's crust. Even then I would probably just give up and be like, "Its my time" unless maybe I was holding a baby...but it would have to be my baby and I would have to be saving it for what I knew was a good life, cause if the world goes funky I am not saving my baby to be hunted by crazies who want to eat it like in The Road.
Anyway, needless to say, these runners who are running the day after the marathon are hardcore.
I show up and sign in and ask, "I'm like a real beginner. I can barely run...am I going to be way behind or horribly out of place, cause you can tell me if I am. I can take it."
"No," says the incredibly fit black dude, "you'll be just fine. This is for all levels."
Here's the long and short of it, even though there is a pacer in the back for the "slow" people, I still fall behind and get lost in the park (and this is not my fault, this is the fault of the park for being confusing and the fault of NY for making me so reliant on street numbers). So lost that I end up about 20 blocks north of where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be on the "lower loop"---like that means anything to me. Fearing another trip through the maze that is Central Park at night, I decide to walk around the park, down the East side from 95th to 60th St and across Central Park South back to Columbus Circle.
I walk into the store and am instantly greeted by 4 panicked pacers. "What happened?" "We were so worried!" "You should have told us you were slow." (F U) "Do you want a water? Powerade? Grape? They are free."
"No thank you," I say, trying to hide the fear of being lost in the park, the shame of being slow and getting lost, the frustration that my first few triathlon training experiences aren't going smoothly, and about a trillion other emotions, "I'll just take my bag if that's okay (they run a bag check there too)."
"We're so sorry," says the blond who wore shorts even though its in the high thirties.
"Bag please."
"See, look at the map, we were on the lower loop."
"Yes, its all very clear, ON A MAP! IN THE LIGHT!"
"You look upset."
"Bag please," I ask again.
"Are you sure you don't want me to show you on the map?"
"No thanks, just the bag, " now my voice is strained and trembling.
"Are you sure you don't want a Powerade? Grape is my favorite!"
And at this point I'm just about to tell peppy-Mc-runs-a-lot that I don't give two craps about her favorite Powerade flavor. I hope that you all choke on your Powerades...leaving people in Central Park! I could have been raped!
Instead I burst into tears.
"I just want my BAG!!!!!!!!!"
Yep, I think the combination of tears and screaming got my point across. She hands me my backpack and I leave, embarrassed beyond belief, and I vow to never see any of those people ever again.
I'm more of an alone runner anyway.

A Happier You

A Happier You

By Eckhart Tolle

The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances. These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.

1. Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
   
   
2. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
   
   
3. See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
   
   
4. Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
   
   
5. Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
   
   
6. People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened an d shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
   
   
7. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
   
   
8. Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
   
   
9. You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
   
   
10. If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.
    

Exerpted from Oneness with All Life by Eckhart Tolle. Published by arrangement with Dutton, a member of Penguin Group ( USA), Inc. Copywright © 2008 by Eckhart Tolle

Snowboarding

Sometimes gifts aren't really gifts...you think they are, but they kind of aren't. For N's Christmas present I learned to snowboard...sort of, if taking one lesson really counts as learning. It was a big deal though. I had to take the bus to the Catskills, pay for a class, rent a board, the whole 9. So, I considered myself a snowboarder after that, except that I really wasn't. Not only did I ruin the surprise of the gift before Christmas (don't ask) I was a complete handful when N, his friends, his brother and I headed down the mountain. It wasn't pretty. Now, I'm not the most coordinated person to begin with and every experience that has begin with me going faster than I'm comfortable has ended with a trip to the hospital or the emergency dentist or with just plain getting hurt...and I don't really care much for any of those things. Not a fan of ice, or trees, or being told what to do, or feeling out of control, or of bugs--and though that doesn't really apply in this situation I just thought I would throw it in for future reference. Point being, snowboarding begins with a lot of these things, and just keeps getting better (sarcastically) or worse (realistically) the more times you fall down the mountain.
Sidenote--why do so many male country singers have names that start with K? Weird.
At the end of the first day I was pretty sure that N would have rather gotten a nice sweater, or even a pair of jeans, hell, even a nice blender, or even a lean mean grilling machine.
The next day we took a day off, cause I can play in snow, I can walk around in it--sometimes, but remind me to tell you about my nice little trip down the stairs as I was leaving for the airport on the 24th of Dec.
Day three we decided to head back up, and this time his brother stayed with me, and by the end of the day I actually showed signs of improvement.
Now, I don't want people to think that I'm a quitter, so I gotta keep going. In a couple weeks me and a bunch of nice ladies are planning a trip, so, ya know, that should be fun, or not.
Next year, gift certificates for everyone.
Wow, not even the energy to fake a smile. Nice Arianne, nice.